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This morning, I decided to take a gander at the very first post on this blog. Looking back was pretty astonishing. If only I knew then what I know now. I officially started my year in between on November 7th, 2011 and boy was I excited. I had a ton of goals, and a huge travel itch to scratch. I wonder what the past me would think if I could go back and tell her where we’ve been in the past six months alone, and what we’ve done with our life so far. If I wrote her a letter, it would probably go like this:

Dear December Corinne,

I know that right now you’re confused, sad and living in your parent’s house, but there’s really nothing to fear. You’re soon going to discover that there are a lot of points in your path that will continue to cross over one another. Be assured that all of this is happening for a reason. About your goals:

• On Travel: You’ve done a lot of it and had a great time. You went to Panama, where you saw both oceans, met incredible travelers. You ended up on an island in the Caribbean for a full moon festival where you met some awesome dudes from New Jersey, a girl who would become one of your best friends, and a dude who was on Dr.Phil for being too much of a vagabond. You also met a Shamen, his yogi wife (whose energy was incredibly inspiring), and a girl from Panama who took you to the most beautiful spot in the world, made you believe in your gifts and told you to follow yoga.  Then you moved to Chicago for a month, went to comedy school and met some brilliant comedy writers. It was still a difficult time, as winter always is, but it was a beautiful place in a lovely neighborhood. One night, when you were sitting in the apartment you were watching, you decided to impulsively put a down payment on yoga school. That night would change the course of your life forever, but you didn’t know that then. You were just scared and worried that you weren’t physically or mentally strong enough to do the training (spoiler alert: you were). You moved to Denver for the training and loved it there, but now you’re on your way to an organic farm on the other side of the Rockies. You’re actually headed out there with your yoga mentor, because she asked you to assist one of her weekend workshops. The workshop just happened to be 9 miles from the small town that you’ll be farming in. It also just happened to be occurring the weekend before you were scheduled to arrive on the farm. You’re scared that you’re not physically or mentally strong enough to assist Cheryl or to effect positive changes on the farm (spoiler alert: you are).
• On getting certified in yoga therapy: Better. You’ve been trained by Ana Forrest. That name doesn’t mean anything to you yet, but it will. Oh, it will.
• On book: In progress! Don’t worry. You have another 6 months to make it happen.
• On life: You’re one lucky sun-biatch. You still write for a living. You’re moving to an organic farm to get your hands dirty and to learn some more bomb vegan recipes. And you keep meeting the most amazing people. Don’t worry, darlin’. You’re not living in your parents house anymore. You’re a straight up vagabond, which was totally the plan! Booyah.

xoxo,

Your Wiser Self

P.S. I can’t wait to see what the next five months will look like.

What have you been up to for the past five months? I’d love to hear about it…

As I thought about all of this, I  searched for two trees that would be close enough together to hold the hammock, yet far enough away so the sun would shine through. I started thinking about the ways I would describe my current situation, the metaphors I would use, and how to make it sound dark, but not too dark.

I found a spot between two fat old trees, and began my struggle to get the hammock up. It wouldn’t work. The damn trees were too fat and too far apart. I got frustrated, tossed the hammock down, grabbed my stuff and murdered under my breath. It was the perfect spot, but of course it didn’t work out. That’s the way my week was going. I must have some nasty karma and it’s been coursing through my life these past couple of days.

I finally found another spot, next to the lake. It wasn’t perfect, but I resigned. It would do.
After setting up the hammock, I settled in to start this post. As soon as I grabbed this monstrosity of a phone, I became instantly distracted by all of the crap on it. I totally lost track of time and fell down the rabbit hole. I began sorting through the meat market on a new online dating app. I checked my email 6 times. and when I finally opened up my docs to use thus thing for what it’s supposed to be used for, I forgot ask of the things I was going to write about. I was beyond annoyed.

But then I looked around and saw everything in it’s perfection and I began to laugh. At that moment, a cute man came up to me, struck up a conversation and helped me adjust the hammock. The spot I found was perfect, even though I couldn’t see it when I first set up shop. It was in the sunshine, right next to the lake. The geese flapped their wings and got in scuffles over geese business. A dog dove in after a tennis ball. And the breeze rolled softly through the short grass.

It was ridiculous how bound to that shitty perspective I was when I first got to the park, and for the past few days for that matter. The biggest problem I have these days is finding a good place to put the hammock, so I can let my fingers dance over the digital keyboard, as I bask in the sun, letting the men wash over me like the tide, and calling it a work day. Looking for work as a yoga teacher is downright fun. I go to yoga classes all over town and talk to awesome yogis about teaching jobs. I mean, it’s a hippie dream. But poor perspective can turn any situation into a nightmare. It was a nice little wake up call, a reminder to appreciate this existence that I’m building. It was an eye opening experience that allowed me to understand the sheer misery that people can put themselves through, even though they have so much. It showed me how damaging the struggle can be, in terms of blinding you to the happiness that you’re struggling for, when it’s already there.

Photo via Hikenow

Just take a breath, and let everything flow. That’s all I can think at this particular juncture. At a time when the road diverges, it’s usually pretty easy for me to decide which direction to head in. Before my training, I would normally just pick the road with the most sun, put one foot in that direction, and worry about it later.

But for some reason, I feel like I should temper my impulses this time. I feel like taking the time to think and breath. I also feel like I should quit being so vague about the opportunities that lie at my feet.

Option #1: Denver

I love it here. I’ve never felt more at home anywhere during my travels. This place is filled with activities, yoga, good food, friendly faces and lovely human beings. I think there’s a community here for me. All I have to do to become a part of it is make the choice, set my bags down, and stay. It sounds simple enough, right?

There are lots of opportunities for me in this city. I can feel that that much is true. But it feels like there might be a piece or two missing. It feels like it’s not quite my time to be here. But maybe I’m just projecting. Hmmm…

Option #2: White Buffalo Farms

I’m not sure how to explain how I came to connect with this place. All I know is that it happened, and I felt drawn to this place that I’ve never been surrounded by people that I’ve never met. I’ve been invited to learn at the farm for the summer. They’ll provide food and lodging. I’ll learn how to cook with the season and be an administrative assistant. At first, I wasn’t quite sure. I felt compelled to go, but worried that I was just jumping ship on what could be a good experience in Denver.  I sat on it for a day, and the owner sent me an email. At the end, it said, “I feel like you’re supposed to be here for some reason.” I’ve learned enough in my time traveling not to take that stuff lightly. If I feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere and someone else corroborates with that feeling, I almost feel obligated to honor it and to see what it has in store for me.

Denver will still be here at the end of summer. The people I’ve come to love will still be here to love.

In an interesting turn of events, when I posted about all of this on Facebook, I got an influx of emails and calls from my Forrest Yogi Friends looking for information about this place. Could this be fate pushing us all back together?

Any thoughts?

I spend my early mornings sweating, chanting, and feeling my body during the most intense yoga intensives that have ever been created (IMHO). I spend my afternoons in this beautiful Denver sunshine, on the roof of this condo looking at the Rocky Mountains with a bunch of yogis, eating green things, laughing, loving and supporting each other. I sit and dream of my future life in which these amazing people exist. They’ve come from all over the world: Singapore, Athens, Berlin, Vancouver, Ontario, Florida, Seattle, Portland, Oakland… and the list goes on. They come from many different backgrounds, and they’re all here for different reasons. From office managers to raw food chefs, from acupuncturists to business analysts, we all sit in that circle attempting to figure each other out while we figure ourselves out.

We spend our days on a constant emotional roller coaster. One moment, we’re seeing the beauty in ourselves and in each other. The next moment, we’re discovering the untold stories that were hidden in our bodies, waiting for emotional release. There are cries and howls. There’s yelling and cussing and laughter. There’s always acceptance, openness and understanding from the entire group.

Then we learn how to help others go through this process, how to hold space for their emotional/physical/spiritual growth, how to use  our hands to heal, and how to see the spots where people tuck away their pain and their habitual patterns. It’s not part of the curriculum, but we watch each other learn and grow and sometimes see mirror images of ourselves in that process. We figure out how to deal with each other in a healthy way. We speak our truth and discover new ways to communicate throughout this, sometimes uncomfortable, process.

Most of all, we learn how to breathe. And when we all sit in that small room with the huge Buddha head painted on one wall, and zebra print cloth hanging on the other, and we join each other in breathing deeply, something beautiful happens. The sounds of our ujjayi breath begin to roll together and it sounds like the ocean, like crashing waves in a strong breeze.

I can’t wait to see what the future of all this will bring. And I won’t wait. All I know, is that this year in between has suddenly become more meaningful, full of things that I can’t quite analyze yet, growing at a rate that I can’t chase.

Soon it will be back to writing full time, catching up with my vegan food blog, sitting in coffee shops and breathing by myself. And I’m so excited for that time too.

What’s new with you? Have you ever done a yoga teacher training? How did it change your life?

This was my last week in Chicago and I spent it doing all of the things that you should do in the windy city in the winter. I ate, ate, and ate some more. I saw almost all of the new people that peppered my stay in that city with so much joy. I wandered around the loop. I wandered around Wicker Park. I wandered around the Ukrainian Village. I bundled up. I Bikram-ed up. I packed up. And then I said farewell.

My Chicago stint was filled with lessons, healing and surprises. It was in that city that I discovered the type of yoga that brought me to Denver. It was there that I learned how to embrace the funny, and to play more in my writing, in my yoga practice and in life. Chicago taught me that life can be just as enriching in isolation, that I could find joy in being completely alone. It also taught me the importance of staying connected to the outside world and to people in order to maintain perspective. I guess that means that the time I spent there taught me about balance within the paradox. Being happy alone, without becoming isolated, while being open to letting amazing people into my life, without letting them influence my behavior and schedule, is an incredibly difficult balance. But knowing is half the battle, the other half is staying conscious enough to realize when things are tipping in one direction or another.

In leaving Chicago, I’m also leaving behind the emotional ball of wreckage that was still clinging on from my break up. I allowed it to stay with me because I was afraid to let it go. I was afraid to be alone, and I was afraid to lose hope that Zach and I could still figure out a way to make it work. I finally realized that I don’t want to do all of that work, sort through the drama, and that my life is better spent working towards something positive than trudging back through all of the negative that has accumulated over the past few months.

So as I sit in Denver, with an open heart, a cup of tea and a beautiful journey ahead of me, I know that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be in this year in between.

Thanks for stopping by!

We met on my first little journey to Panama in December. I hopped in a death trap of an SUV, with a bunch of strangers, to an island for a three day full moon gathering/electronica festie. She just happened to be the stranger driving the death trap.

She mentioned over dinner last night that we fell into comfortable silence really quickly. I had never noticed it, but that was true. I had a lot of work last week, so I worked through the entire weekend. Somehow, I got everything done and had the best time while I was doing it. We spent a lot of time in coffee shops and on public transit, and that really helped get in all of that work. It was so nice to be able to look up from the business of writing about the best online schools to crack a joke to someone who got it.

Since this year in between is about working and traveling at the same time, I suppose I should give an update on how that’s going as well. In short, it’s going better than I could have ever expected. I’m finally on a really great schedule that I can take with me anywhere. Everytime I’m sitting for ten minutes, I pull out my netbook and get some work done. I’ve learned how to type on it with just my thumbs like it’s an over-sized blackberry. It’s pretty impressive.

For some reason, ever since I quit caffeine last week, I’ve become so much more productive without getting anxiety. I don’t know if there’s a correlation between the two or not, but whatever’s going on, it’s been a welcome change. When I went to Panama, I really thought that I wasn’t going to be able to swing it. But the more I travel and the more I work, the more I realize that it’s totally possible and incredibly exhilerating.
How has your week been?

I find that when I’m really living in the moment, when I’m totally present, Father Time seems to slow down. Every once in awhile he sits down and takes a load off. Sometimes he’s just chillin’, sauntering along, smelling the roses and enjoying himself.

But as soon as I take on a bunch of extra work, and push myself forward creatively and physically, he starts booking it. Weeks fly by like days, fly by like minutes, fly by in an instant. And then I take a look at the calendar and think… Dang. That was a month.

Maybe it’s the nature of being young. Maybe it’s the speed of the city. Perhaps it’s the nature of being busy. It’s not that I’m not having a great time, sometimes it just seems like it’s moving forward without me. I suppose it is.

I just don’t want to get mixed up in this trap of being too busy to enjoy this journey.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I didn’t do anything that exciting this week. I moved out of my house sit, which was pretty sad. But I learned a ton in my time there.

I learned how joyful it is to sleep soundly and have a steady schedule. I learned how to take responsibility again. I learned how to let it out and how to let it go. I learned so much about my body and my mind. I discovered what I want to be and how I want to proceed.

I made a lot of leaps this month. And it seems like it just flew by. So I’d like to send a request to Father Time today.

Dear Father Time,

Mellow out, man.

Love,

Corinne

I fell in love with brussel sprouts this week! Among tons of other exciting things that I did...

Cheers to getting a grip!

Last week was like a wake up call on getting my shiz together. But it was also a very transformative week. So today, since I don’t have anything super exciting to share with you (mama’s been bringin’ home the bacon and wearing her stretchy pants as per the usual), I’d like to talk to you about the very valuable lessons I learned last week that have helped me get said grip, on said life.

Slow Growth

I ran into a friend of mine on the street this week. It’s not something you expect to happen when you’re new, in a city of several million people, not in your neighborhood, and only have about six friends. It’s really not something you expect to happen when your head is in the clouds and you’ve been walking for miles and the other person is coming in the opposite direction on a bike… and, well let’s just say that it was a welcome coincidence. After talking for awhile, he said something that really struck a cord with me. “Easing into changes has to be an art form. We all just want to dive in and be there. ” Aha! Yes, it was one of those aha moments. This particular friend happens to be one of those people who always says exactly what I need to hear, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Sugar is bad for me? No sugar for me! Being vegan makes you live longer? You’re a vegan now! You want to be a yoga instructor? You must practice daily yoga at a studio every day and then fly off to Denver and become a teacher, this instant! Then you will be perfect enough to qualify for athletic scholarships… But only when you’re a healthy beast!

Well, one of those is going to happen and I’m jazzed about it, but I’m becoming more focused on making small changes that get me where I want to be. I want to be healthy. So, instead of telling myself that I know what that means and that I just have to give up everything, right now, I’m easing into it. I’ve shaken the caffeine monster this week. Which is a grand success! Instead of taking on sugar and wheat and processed foods and caffeine, I just picked one to focus on.

Acceptance

After giving up the caffeine, and the obsessive, negative “giving everything up” cycle I’ve been in (hmmm… giving up giving up stuff… there’s a paradox for you), I decided to put the scale away and work on acceptance with where I’m at. This goes hand in hand with the slow growth I’m looking for. I’ve been really competative with myself lately and it’s been kind of hell. But as soon as I laid off of the shoulds: “You should weigh 6 lbs less to be at what scientists say is the BMI that men are most attracted to,” or, “You should be doing at least three hours of daily yoga,” I really started to feel fantastic.

What did you learn this week?

Time: why is it so hard to keep track of the stuff?

Last week’s decision to put the kaibosh on dating was a really good one. This week has been wholly amazing! Apparently, boys are trouble and completely not worth it. I’m not talking never, but just not now (double negative action!).

In the past week, I’ve done more yoga, writing, cooking, baking, wandering and catching up with old friends and family than I have since that whole break up thing. I know what I want to do and I realize that dating was just a distraction from all of that. Now that I have my priorities set, it’s time to get everything in order.

It looks like I’m continuing my gypsy ways for a while longer this year. I’ll be in Chicago until the middle of February and then I’m off to Denver, Colorado to get my yoga training on.

I figure, if I’m going to be doing yoga every day, I may as well learn how to teach it. And I may as well do that with one of the coolest yoga ladies on the face of the planet: Ana Forrest. She’s the creator of Forrest yoga and pretty much the coolest modern yogi on the face of the planet.

After Denver… Uh, well, who knows. One thing that’s for sure, is that I’m going to have to get a good schedule going in order for all of this vagabonding to work this year. I know you were looking to this blog for something really exciting. And now I’m talking about time management. Well, you get what you pay for… wink wink, nudge nudge.

Give me a dollar and I’ll tell you about the offer I got last week from a dude who wanted to impregnate me. I’m not using a euphemism. He didn’t want have sex with me. He just wanted to “put a baby inside” of me.

Or I’ll tell you about the homeless man who quoted Aleister Crowley to me a few days ago. “Bring the glory of the stars into the heart of man,” he said as I stepped onto the train.

Those were freebies. And they’re also a good example of what I’m saying about time management. I need to figure out how to get a grip and stay focused on the task at hand.

Any tips?

Plaid can provide great camouflage when hiding from menfolk.

So, life seems to have a way of bouncing you back in forth when you’re trying to move past something painful. Sometimes it’s hard to wake up in the morning knowing that every day can end up going either way. You could have an amazing day full of new beginnings, or something could trigger the pain bubble and send you spiraling to a point of minor despair. But if you get the courage to tumble out of bed and put your best foot forward, every day can yield a lesson. If you’re open to it, you can change yourself and change your behavior because of that lesson. Growth can only really happen if you make the decision to move forward and stay open.

I saw an episode of a sitcom the other day, and one of the characters made the point that you can do one of two things after a break up. You can throw yourself into work, bettering yourself and moving forward with your career. Or you can move on by getting back out there and playing the field. I don’t think that one way is better than the other, but I tend to agree that this is generally how people react after a break up.

At first, I really thought it was necessary to do both. I really thought I should better myself, heal, take my career to the next level, travel, study yoga and comedy, take care of a stranger’s home in a strange land and… date.

I thought that in order to move on, you had to start dating. I mean, when your ex moves on, you should too. And that means that you need to begin going on dates. So despite my real feelings about the whole idea of dating right now (I abhorred it), I assumed it was a necessary part of getting on with my life.

So I did it. I started dating. I internet dated. I went on dates with people I’d met in the real world. I went on a date with an artist, a yogi, a photographer, a student, and a software engineer. I was talking to several dudes that I never had the time to meet. My phone was blowing up like a call girl with an ad in Vegas newspaper. I was keeping busy, and it was all pretty exciting and then… Boom!

After a decent second date with a decent guy that ended in a decent second make out session, I woke up and tumbled out of my bed with the feeling of despair for the second time. This guy was great, but I kept getting this feeling that I didn’t want anything to do with it. I didn’t want to convince someone else that I’m worthwhile to date and hear all of the reasons why they’re worthwhile to date. I didn’t want to move past my baggage and his baggage. I’m just not interested. There are too many awesome things going on in my life right now.

My job is fantastic. I love the people I get to work with and the work I get to do. I love having the freedom to get up and follow my dreams and my whims, wherever they may lead me. So, I’m done dating and I’m moving on in my own way. Looks like that will take us into the mountains this time. More on that next week… Stay tuned!